Tuesday, June 12, 2007
50 plus missed calls vs 11 missed calls.

20 sms vs 3 sms.

And not even a 'Im sorry ive hurt you' or even 'how r u now?'.

Wat does this mean?

It has been months kairuldin ishak. Months ive kept to myself. N you can just leave me, crying like one mad biatch, all alone bcoz u find your friends more interesting than me.

How can you just go and dumped me like dat? Wen u said words that really hurt me. Wen I actually said that 'I am hurt, ta.'

And all u can say, 'Ive got to go ta. Im sleeping over at my fwen's house tonite.'

And all i could do was just sit there, on the chair in front of my door, trembling and shivering wit pain, looking at you straight at the eye. And all you could give me was dat ignorant look. That fucking look which really gave me that impression that u NEVER cared.

My fingers are trembling as im typing. Why? Becoz im still in pain. I have cried so much that no tears are left for me.

WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?

I just want to lead a normal life. With families and friends.

N not even you can understand that. Why Kai? What is my fault? Ape salah yg lia dah buat this time?

You wanna say that u r the perfect one. LEMME say this.

U left a girl alone, crying to herself, when it is clearcard that U did sumtink wrong. Y? Becoz rite then, ur mind was on ur fwen out there waiting for u at Woodlands. is that a Perfect man?

Not once, not twice, not even thrice u did this to me Kai.

Millions of time. U just walked away when there is a problem. Yet to be solved. N THEY JUZ KEEP ON ACCUMULATING. is DAt a perfect guy?

Can i Say this?

YOU ARE A FREAKING COWARD KAI. u cant even face ur own flaws, n ni nak harapkan kau face ur problems? You only freaking care abt your FOOTBALL REPUTATION, yg tak seberaper dengan my tears that i hav wasted due to all the hurt and pain that I had to bear. FOOTBALL yg career dier tak seberaper. you only freaking cared abt that thing. N u did not even appreciate me sacrificing my happiness bcoz i understand ur career. n U cant do the same for me?

Still, the world sees us as a happy couple. Long-lasting. Wat da fuck was dat?

All becoz u were juz using me. Im like a rebound to u?

All becoz u wanted to forget that stupid bitch. U used me. U cheated. U lied to me. Dat u loved me and only me? That there is no other girl in ur mind, except me?

Sweet words Kai. And I am stupid enuf to fall for that, worst. I fell for YOU. YOU. Demon in angel's disguise. A demon behind that face of yours.

You made me cry umpteenth times Kai.

You fooled me not once, not twice. So many times Kai. And HOw could i be soooo STUPID to let u play with my feelings? You took advantage of me being there.

You are a murderer KAi.

N i Swear. Upon my name.

Every drop of my blood that falls, the same fate will befall on your family Kai.

a Pity that you have played with the wrong girl kai.

sO very WroNG.

Wow...

I sounded very angry... that is the problem. I have been keeping it. Bottling it up. Til I cant bottle it up animore. I feel cheated. Fooled.

N guess wat?

He didnt even call. Or even msg. Lemme tell u this. He's in fact having a lot of fun with his fwenz. jokIng and laughiNg ABT.

Even I can do that. Ppl see me laugh like a mad hyena. They see me smile.

inSide?

coZ im sick of crying. Y? I cant expect all to understand what im going thru. Wats da use?

I have handled matters worst than this. Look at me. I survived.

N this problem. Its teeny-weeny compared to the other probs in the past.

But why am I stil shivering? Why my hands and feet are cold, so very cold?

Coz I loved him. And I cant believe I still do. When he doesnt care. And all he could think was his fucking football and stupid friends who are just ruining his life. He is so EGOISTIC.

U know wat?

Im moving on.

He moved on already. Already with sum fucking girl i guEss.

And I can to. And I WILL.
12:04 PM