Sunday, November 26, 2006
A'kum..

I juz hav to throw this up..

Yesterday, 25th November 2006, Saturday. In the evening, approximately abt 5 minutes before maghrib, he said this big B word.

Wow, it came crashing down on me. I mean, yes I do expect it to come sooner or later, but I just didnt expect it to cum yesterday. We went out, watched a movie, had lunch and dinner.. And poof, it all came coz I was in a bad mood. Wat da hell was dat all about?? I told him the truth, told him everything that he wanted to know, and juz becoz I hurt his EGO, he wanted a breakup. Wat kind of a guy is dat? He cant even accept his weaknesses. HE only wanted to be praised, and known as an angel. BUt he doesnt wanna know if he's actually also a devil.

There are two sides to human character. Evil and good. Devil and angel.

It is juz up to each homosapien to be balanced, good or evil!!

I hate guys who cant accept small things such as you are too sensitive, like a gurl. Or worst, no, you r not handsome but you r juz cute. You know dat sort of thing.

Would you actually leave your partner becoz he/she cant change or doesnt reach up to your standard? Tell me. What human can change automatically or ultimately for one day??

Wat da hell. Life is soo freaking shitty.

Oh well. I was shocked. I wasnt sad. I cried becoz I regret being with this kind of guy. My ex was like dat, N God sent me another one, exactly like him. So its kinda double trauma for me.

N guess wat?

He called me ard 11 ++ pm, juz to say wat? I still love you, but I juz hate it when u r in a bad mood. Please, I dont wanna break up.

Split personalities??

Hellloooo. Can sumbody actually pinch me and tell me wat da hell is happening to me??

Before dat I called him. To get confirmation. I mean if he wants a breakup, (coz I've been asking that since the last few months), then wat can I say?

All this while, I've been wanting a break, but he was like, give me another chance and I'll prove it to you. Dat's the problem with me. I am tooooo soft inside. I look like one bloody bitch outside, but cry darn easily. Freaking shit.

I gave lots of chances. Lots of times. Still he doesnt want to take that golden opportunities to actually prove it to me that he can be a beta person. I've tried my best. I reduced my temper, I've been more understanding of his dreams and commitment to his dream shit, I've given him my support and love..

wAT else? Did I not do??

He. He was only there when I smile and laugh. If Im angry/sad/watever negative moods there are in this world, he disappears. Into thin air. Saying dat he wants to let me cool down. WAT DA HELL? Whenever he's a shitty mood, Im always there. Beside him. Talking to him. Soothing him.

Me??

And he cant even put up with my parents.

Bloody hell. I dont like his sisters. Still I can get along with them. Why? Coz I respect his families. Guys are a total freaking shit, for his kind I mean. No offence yar. Im not biased or anitink. Im cool. Juz dat, I feel its so unfair.

He wants me to be understanding, he wants me to understand him. He wants me to be like wat he wants. But when I dont meet dat sort of criteria, he gets mad and leave me.

TELL ME, should I actually be with dis kind of guy??

For goodness sake, I feel so lost.

He's not even affected. He could jalan2 with his sisters/ girlfrend after wat he said to me. So heartless, isnt it??

CEKIK DARAH LAH.

I hate being in this kind of a relationship. Its like, not balanced, when One is trying to change and the Other juz leave you and go juz like dat. Without giving any support.

And you know wat? He pressurises me. Keep on asking whether I wanna go back with him or not.

Bloody hell, I dont wanna know.

Exams cuming up. I dont want one bloody shit in my life to pull me down. So wat da hell?

I dont giv a damn. Im the one who always end up crying like one freaking annoying bitch, he seems so freaking fine. And the next day, we would meet up, acting like one stupid normal couple, as if nothing happened the day before. Its so unfair. And it has been going on for MONTHS.

Why do I always get this kind of guys ya Rabbi? Dont you hav anione better??

Never mind. Wat I can do is to juz be patient and wait. Follow the flow, waiting and waiting.. Coz I know, there is a HIKMAH behind all this.

Life is shitty initially but gets beautiful lata. Maybe mine is like dat, and Im glad with it. Syukur alhamdulillah..

My heart says its better you go then you stay. But my mind says the opposite. So im kinda lost.. and suddenly so lonely. Donno who to talk to..

Oh well

Peace.
6:16 PM