Thursday, November 16, 2006
Time passes by
Still his name beats in my heart
How I wish he's near
So I could listen to his voice
that sings to the rhythm of my heartbeat..
How I wish he could be mine
So I could tell him
How much I love him
And will always do
But time..
Situation, people..
All of these make it soo
Difficult for my love to be swallowed..
Oh how I wish I am freed
from this ruthless land of hatred
And go far away..
Cruising the middle seas, the ocean blue..
Why is this happening to me?
When I juz want to be loved..
And be loved..
Why Ya Rabbi?
I ask from You..
the best that You can give me.
If this is Your answer..
Then give me the strength to accept it
My fate has already been written
even before I entered this world..
Juz so if my fate is harsh..
Please give me all the strength to breathe..
Tears of joy and sadness
a mixture of both and all
Trickling down..
Pooling as the rain wets the Earth..
How I wish, Ya Rabbi
for me to be with him..
Though I know it's impossible
for him to be mine..
Love cannot be possessed.
Cannot be Yours.
When you actually know,
how much it will hurt you
at the end of thy life..
That is something i keep in mind. Coz it has been happening since i stepped into this world of stupid love. Pure love? None other than from the Almighty. True love? Nah. Havent found one yet..
Not even with Din. People may say Im harsh, Im a bitch. But, that is wat I am. Juz becoz I wanna find my own love, I dont wanna be forced, I dont wanna be caged. People say Im a bitch. Is it wrong to venture out, and learn from your own mistakes? Without being tied to a chain, that I donno when will be unlocked..
Til death do us apart? Do you really believe in such words? I havent witnessed any realistic one as that, n i juz wish my love is like that. Haha. I can laugh to myself. coz i know. THat is soooo impossible, RIGHT NOW.
Why did He send me someone like Din?
To cheer me up at sad times. To be with me when I am alone?
But why, he hurts me countless times.. Like i've been for soo many years, with the ones that i have always loved, since the birth of me?
Why Ya Rabbi?
Is this a test for me? If it is, then give me strength, and sincerity. So that I can accept this fate with open arms.
Fate can be changed with constant prayers, doa.. Will mine be changed if i ask from You?
If it cannot change, then give me strength, give me love. For me to breathe.
Coz i know, You will never test someone beyond his capabilities. And from all of these that happen to me, then i know, i am someone with great strength and strong heart. juz that, i need to tell myself more often. that You are always with me.
If it is true Ya Rabbi, then give me confidence, and i thank You for the love You've given me all this while. I need Your love, and I still do. Coz that is wat that has been keeping me ALIVE.
2:28 PM
