Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Assalamualaikum..

Difficult for people to see that I have changed, I want to change..

Easy for them to talk behind me, spreading all kinds of words with their foul tongues.

So should I condemn them?

No, I should forgive them, coz that is why I am created and given a Life here..

So should I ignore them?

No, I should not abandon them, but to stick with them, even how much their words hurt like knife slashing your heart to pieces..

Life.

I thought itz over. The old pain. The history of darkness.

But the Dark is looming ahead. Coming fast, towards me... Threatening to dissolve me if I dont stand up to reality and stopping breaking down like one stupid shit.

My Heart. It beat once. I gave it to him. He returned it back, all bloody and wounded and scarred.

And so My heart Died.

Then came another him. Here is one Light to my Life. Someone that I wish could help heal the wounds. But, a scar remains a scar.

Its starting all over again, coz HE scarred my already wounded heart, and Once again, my Heart BLED.. Threatening to die Once more.

How many times do I have to let myself, my Heart.. Be tortured like lost souls, with no one to hope for?

How many times do I have to break down, and lock myself in the room, crying and ranting like one stupid freaking bitch who has nuthing shit to do.. and trying to hope that someone actually hears my cries for help??

My flesh. My blood.

THEY started the RUMORS.
THEY told the STORIES.
Everything about ME.

HOW DARE, CONDEMN THEM!

What power do I have to fight a whole load of them, when they actually live like only a few miles/kilometres/watever shit away from my HOUSE!

They started all THESE, they'd better END it...

I dont Like. Coz I want my OWN Life. I want to breathe per normal again.

And Im still waiting for that moment to come.

Where I can breathe freely, not strangled and caged.

Coz I know, somehow... sometime.. sooner or later.. Everything will be juz FINE :-)

Now my Heart cant trust any love anymore.. It juz hurts so much. I feel like I juz wanna close my eyes, and drift into the deepest sleep ever, and never wake up to see the freaking glaring Light.. and getting swallowed into the freaking scary Dark..

My Heart. What has my Heart got to do with my Life?

Coz. My Life beats to the rhythm of My heart.

You tear my Heart to pieces, I will slash your Heart til you beg for your own Death.

You break my Trust, I will do the same, worse though. Til you cry for you own Death.

How can I love, if my Heart is DYING?

Can I?

He has failed to colour my Life. He has made it Darker than the Darkest moments of my Life. How can he do that?

Why? Love. Hurts real bad.

I am beginning to hate this term called LOVE.
12:05 AM