Saturday, February 18, 2006
The other day, me n kyn browsed HER profile on friendster..

N UNTIL TODAY, I fucking cant forget how she looks like man.. like. I keep on thinking about how perfect she look sia. So freaking beautiful, awesome smile.. the kind yang cant forget nye smile..

I took only one time to look at her photos n still cant forget.

He met her in person, was with her for a few days which seemed like they were together for years.. How can he juz forget bout her rite??

Oh man, Im feeling guilty coz of a few reasons...

First, he's my boyfriend, but im feeling like a third person. I mean, he used to love this girl very much (can see why. she's so nice!).. and I feel like erm, he doesnt deserve to be with a girl like me. I mean, HELLO! Look at me! I AM ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AS COMPARED TO HER! NOTHING... Practically nothing.

Im dark, not pretty, my hair's like a lion's mane, i dont hav a sweet smile like she does, im totally a freaking biatch who has nutink better to do, and i definitely cant be a good girlfriend coz i myself am not a good daughter (i feel dat way)..

Second, i cant seem to imagine how both of them must have felt when they had to go on separate ways. I mean, look at them.. So sweet together.. Fate is so cruel.. They seemed so happy together.. n i could sense that she somehow still has feelings for him. i mean who wouldnt?

Third, I juz cant be like her, coz i am not her.. n i am myself.. n dat when i am myself, nobody seems to understand what im feeling and thinking.. n im juz a weird girl.. u know..

Many would say dat perhaps Im feeling jealous or sumtink. if i say im not jealous, then i'll be the biggest liar on earth.. I felt jealous a little, tak sampai pon 100%, juz dat.. when i think back... why should i be jealous man...

jealousy can kill.

i love him. im beginning to be in love wit him. love is no fun without obstacles. hehe.

but seriously speaking.. if she were to come back, and ask for him back.. i would let him go to her. not becoz i dont love him or sumtink.. juz dat, i cant bear to see someone's love given away juz like dat u know.. i mean.. cinta itu gak bisa kita halang sejauh mana pun, kerna ia seharusnya sesuatu yang paling suci dalam dunia ini.

i would. maybe i wouldnt. maybe i would fight for him.. but i dont think i can win coz she has the plus points, i have almost nutink except for the love i can give him. so maybe i will lose out to her..

dat is the prob.. now i dont dare give 100 percent of my feelings to him. i mean hey, i gave my heart to my ex, i got it back, but it was dead oredi. i dont wanna die a second time.. it's tough enuf..

i do love him. yar i do. juz dat.. never mind. forget bout it. mayb coz of exams im feeling like dis.

for the first time... i totally hav zero confidence in this sem's exams.

first, i havent finish my revision. n i cant get a thing inside my head, coz im totally distracted.

n im scared coz i hav to prepare myself.

BY NOW!! OH MY GOD.

Ok gtg n revise now. if not i'll die of heart attack. haha.
9:36 PM