Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Hey!! Long time no update.. gotta say.. it was a blow the last few daez..

First, I worked at suntec, distributing flyers.. like for 4 days.. during the fasting period.. it was really exhausting.. dat i could feel it to my bones.. man..

but it was an experience.. met all types of people, young and old.. homosapienz..

n.. i was bz preparing for hari raya..

gotta admit.. it was cool for my paps get to celebrate hari raya wit us again! twice in a row.. which has never been happening for years..

n.. the other thing was dat, though i was looking forward for hari raya celebrations, i juz didnt get to feel the whole thing.. like. my family is full once again, but i dont feel the closeness, the togetherness in da family.. lest to say me n my mom..

n now.. things get worse wit me n my dad.. how cool.. so many 'tests', n evry year, the number of 'tests' increase, n get worst, evrytime i try to solve it..

my dad... of all people.. doesnt.. know me.. if it's her, i can really understand. but my paps? no way... but hey.. it is yes way. he doesnt know what im facing or going thru, he cant understand what im feeling, n why i did all those things.. n now, he's like far away from me.. though he's near..

i feel outcast.. i went for my hari raya outings, family-less. i went wit my kuzzies instead. n evry aunties n uncles alive look at me as though im a mass murderer or sumtink, n they talked behind my back, thinking that i dont know anitink.. n yes, i still can smile.. though it slashes at my heart when i saw their expressions, their eyes.. they meant a different thing.. like im non-homosapien, wit no feelings.. sumtink like dat lah..

n hey.. i dont giv a freaking damn bout it coz they donno the truth abt my freaking life, n they know nothing abt what she is like or wat he is like or wat my family is like.. n i dont giv a fuck if people wanna hate me juz by hearing wat other people say abt me coz im bloody TIRED TO SHED ANIMORE TEARS. worthless tears. why cry over human beings who donno the truth abt u n ur life?? why cry over things that cant be solved? why cry when u know dat u gotta move on wit life, n dont care wat ppl wanna say, coz they only know how to open their big fucking mouths, without knowing the whole truth??

see. am i angry? no. sad? no. irritated? frustrated? annoyed? kind of.. do i wanna cry? laugh? yes n no.

split personality, split thinking, freakish mind of mine.

i juz love it.
11:21 AM