Sunday, September 11, 2005
I JUZ FREAKING HATE MYSELF.

i wanna kill myself.

but i cant coz..

im still sane right..

im not insane yet.. i juz dont wanna live here.. dat's all.. i juz have to get out of this cage.. when?? when? my death will bring me free. yes. my death. she wants me dead aniwae. yes. im sure she wants me to die. 10 years. 10 years i waited.. so long i waited. so long. too long already. it's time to go. i cant breathe here. im sinking deeper and deeper..

why does she hate me so much? me being so sickly no enuf? she really wants me to die i see.. how could this happen to me? why is this happening to me... God wants to punish me. Bcoz I am so bad to her. And i am such a bad child, i have to be punished severely.. God gives me the strength.. to overcome all of these pains...

Tears rolled down my cheeks
My heart crushed..
When U turned away from me..
When U walked away..
N left me all alone..
To struggle with life..

My heart sank..
When U stared at me..
With no love in your eyes..
With no warmth in your hands..

Why..
is this happening to me..
why?

why do i feel like killing myself..
for years i've been waiting to breathe freely.. but i cant becoz of her.. n now.. she is killing me ever so slowly.. it hurts so damn much...

for years she pushed me further into the darkness..

im slipping already..

my limbs are getting weak.. i cant hold any longer.. 10 years.. is not a short time.. it's too long for me to wait..

too long..

I love her so much. how could she do this to me?? How could she leave me like that.. Pulling me into her world.. that I hate so much.. I dont wanna be like her. i Wanna be ME! leave me alone and let me breathe for once! please.. i beg u..

I am part of you..

the blood that is running through my veins.. they are yours too.. but why are you doing this to me? cant u feel the pain that i am feeling rite now.. cant u see that i want your love all these years. cant you see the pain i have gone through all these years to find your love.. now..

i am dying..
dying waiting for you..
cant wait any longer..

im fading mom..
cant you see that..

why cant u see me..
im standing rite in front of you..
wit tears in my eyes..
waiting for you..
heart shredded and crushed.
my heart is already dead mom..
am i still alive?
can i wait any longer?

why are you doing this to your daughter?
dont u know that i love you..
for 10 years i waited to be freed..

kill me mom. free me from this world.

i cant take it animore.

juz kill me mom.
10:30 AM