Sunday, July 31, 2005
WHY O WHY?? DO I HAVE TO... oh never mind.......... sumtimezzz, weird things juz happen to me.. when i dont expect it mannnn....
i donno how to describe my feelings rite now.. wat?? i wanna scream, cry, laugh out loud as evilly as possible, jump around, kick ass, pull my hair til bald, stretch myself n do bungee jumping til i vomit BLOOD!!
phew... kinda ok actually.. after i typed all that.. wakaka... now wat is the problem wit me?? wen i want it, i cant get it abit... wen im not ready for it, suddenly it juz came n attack me.... without me preparing for it..... MAN!! how intriguing...ooohhh how xciting........ how my heart goes THUMP THUMP THUMP!!!
wat else am i suppose to say?? i have nothing else in my mind... errrmmm.. dat sounded wrong.. I mean I dont know wat to say to him coz im not ready n even though i expected it... i juz cant say it..
GoD..
Guide me..
In this path..
Known as Love..
I've been intertwined..
Into Love and Hatred..
Guide me I ask from You..
Coz U r the only one, who understands me truly...
Truly I am...
Grateful for everything...
But this.....
I wish U could juz give me signs...
For me to follow.......
Should I listen to my heart n trust my instinct?
Or should I listen to my mind n trust my logic??
I am like hovering the edge.. whether to accept his love or not... i guess i need time to know him.. to understand his heart... his love....
sometimes it juz happens the other way round u know...
U think u like someone.... u tell him... but he doesnt want u... litle that u realise... it is not him that u have fallen for... it's another person... another one that u dont even expect that u would fall for him... another being who is juz seen and known to u as a frend or maybe a brother.. then.. as the clock ticks.. n days turn to months... u realise... how dumb u were......... it wasnt him... IT WAS HIM!!! the other him...... how can i be so damn freaking dumb.... i only trusted my mind... i didnt look into my heart and asked....
why??
why does this thing happen to me...
I failed in love once...
When he slashed my heart n cut it into pieces and threw them all over..
it took a long time for me to find every piece....
n some pieces are still lost somewhere out there...
how my tears fell.. blood tears...
how i begged him... n fell down to my knees begging for my own freedom... for him to release me...
how he looked at n said he would not let go of me no matter wat happened..
i fought him.... how i battled n suffered all the pain that bruised my already tormented heart..........................................
that love sux to the corest of the coressss...
now tell me.. how am i suppose to gain back that confidence in love...
HAIZ... now i feel lighter.. nussie is rite.. why should i bathe myself with painful memories of the past... i have to move on and go on.. he didnt love me.. i didnt love him... but there is another that loves me... truly? i dont know... but i'm beginning to realise my own feelings...
Love comes naturally.. it doesnt have to be forced... u wont know it til one day when he comes n show it to you...
wellll... i have to make a decision...
3:54 PM